It looks so much simpler in a flow chart

Looks like all arrows point to "Then don't worry."

That is a lot easier said than done!

Our little guy is home

Great news! Derville came home yesterday and is doing really good. As soon as he got home, he drank water, ate some kibble, took a piss and did some grooming.

He's back to his silly, sweet self -- we are so relieved!

They had to shave off some of his fur on both front legs. He's a little self-conscious about it. It's like he's upset because someone ripped his white pants.

He did get quite the reputation at the vet's. The technician said "he definitely came with some 'tude!" And they told me stories about how he hated the recovery cone (I can't even imagine how he looked in one of those things. I always think of One Crazy Summer when I see one of those things. What a funny movie!)

When they were telling me all of these things, I couldn't help but think "this must be what Parent/Teacher conferences are like..." I just shrugged and told them he was born in the street and found on a truck tire in the cold November rain -- he's a fighter. Sorry.

Weather update:
And we got snow today! And yesterday. I think this will be the last cold bite of the year.

Here's to hoping!

A Pisser

Just when you think you've made it through the toughest week, month, year and it feels like things are starting to level off -- BAM! Another kick to the nuts.

Or in this case a blow to the pisser.

Poor little Derville had to be rushed to the emergency room Sunday for a urinary blockage! Poor guy was just sitting in his litter box straining away for hours Sunday morning and then licking himself like a mad man. After we googled "my cat can't pee" and "my cat keeps licking his penis" we realized this was some serious shit. I must say the emergency vet was absolutely useless and in fact, probably almost killed Derv with this crazy pain killer concoction. I can't emphasize how bad the medication acepromazine is on animals. Derv couldn't even walk and his eyes were rolling back in his head. We gave it to Clancy once when he was sick and it was a bad scene. B.A.D. Some of the scariest animal behavior I've ever seen has been on this shit. SHIT! So please check when you get pet meds for sick fury friends. If you have a choice, get something else. We have "NO ACE" written all over the charts now.

Anyway, we took Derville to our regular vet Monday and he was realllllly bad. He had not peed in 24 hours! They immediately catheterized him, unblocked the crud, and drained his bladder. Doc said there was so much blood in his urine, it didn't even resemble urine. We caught it just in time. He stayed last night and will stay again tonight. His kidney levels were so high yesterday that the monitor wouldn't even register them. They were down a lot today (at least measurable) but still seriously high so he's staying at the hospital one more night with an IV to flush out the toxins and catheter to get the junk out.

We should get our boy back tomorrow, but this happening so soon after losing Clancy is really difficult. It feels like re-living a bad dream. It's hard to stay positive and not run with worst-case scenarios. It's hard to imagine that everything will be alright -- because that hasn't been the trend. Jason is so great at finding the encouraging parts and sticking with them. Me -- not so much.

But I'm working on it.

Anybody know where the line is between being a Pollyanna and being a black-hearted bitch?


PS. Heard this on the radio this morning. Forgot what a great song it is.



"Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town" by Pearl Jam

i seem to recognize your face
haunting, familiar, yet i can't seem to place it
cannot find the candle of thought to light your name
lifetimes are catching up with me

all these changes taking place, i wish i'd seen the place
but no one's ever taken me

hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away...
hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away...

i swear i recognize your breath
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising
me, you wouldn't recall, for i'm not my former
it's hard when, you're stuck upon the shelf

i changed by not changing at all, small town predicts my fate
perhaps that's what no one wants to see

i just want to scream...hello...

my god it's been so long, never dreamed you'd return
but now here you are, and here i am

hearts and thoughts they fade...away...
hearts and thoughts they fade...away...

hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away...
hearts and thoughts they fade...

Jack White "Love Interruption"

As seen on The Digital Fallout...

(The first time I heard this song on the radio, I thought Jack White was singing with Dolly Parton. There is a point around 02:04 in the song that I would have put money that it was ole Dolly...I was so wrong!)




I want love
To roll me over slowly
stick a knife inside me,
and twist it all around.

I want love to
grab my fingers gently
slam them in a doorway
put my face into the ground.

I want love to
murder my own mother
and take her off to somewhere
like hell or up above.

I want love to
change my friends to enemies,
change my friends to enemies
and show me how it's all my fault.

I wont let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me 
Yeah I wont let love disrupt, corrupt, or interrupt me anymore.

I want love to
walk right up and bite me
grab a hold of me and fight me
leave me dying on the ground.

And I want love to
split my mouth wide open and
cover up my ears,
and never let me hear a sound.

I want love to,
forget that you offended me
or how you have defended me,
when everybody tore me down.

Yeah I want love to
change my friends to enemies,
change my friends to enemies
and show me how it's all my fault.

Yeah I wont let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me
I wont let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me
I wont let love disrupt, corrupt, or interrupt me anymore.

I heard Kelly Clarkson on the radio this morning and I liked it

I feel like this song is the story of my life -- hard endings turned into beautiful beginnings.

I've always wondered why being "strong" is so great. These days, I look at it like being weak creates an environment susceptible to weakness -- and weakness is hard and it hurts. Therefore, being strong makes the hard things easier.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller, doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter, footsteps even lighter, doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone



You know the bed feels warmer
Sleeping here alone

You know I dream in color
And do the things I want


You think you got the best of me
Think you had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone

Think you left me broken down
Think that I'd come running back
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong


What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone


What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone


You heard that I was starting over with someone new
They told you I was moving on over you

You didn't think that I'd come back
I'd come back swinging
You tried to break me, but you see


What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone


What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone


Thanks to you I got a new thing started
Thanks to you I'm not the broken hearted
Thanks to you I'm finally thinking bout me

You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning

In the end...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone


What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

Every click counts

Like most folks in this economy, Jason and I have become very conscious of how much money we're spending and what we are spending it on.

We've gotten really good at making a list of necessities (prioritizing and deciding which items can wait until the next paycheck), balancing the books to see what we can afford, and then set a "do not exceed" amount.

This works pretty good to keep us on budget but it's so easy to get distracted in the store and end up with $5 or $10 (or more!) worth of "off the list" items by the time we get to check out.

To resolve this issue, we came up with the idea of using a pitch-counter to keep track of our grocery dollars as we shop. Sure we could just use a calculator, but then if you hit the wrong button all of a sudden you're at $565,345. I'm also sure there are Apps for smart phones that scan the bar code, etc, etc. We don't have smart phones and pitch-counters are just fun so we invested $10 and bought one.

We tried out our counter today. Our "do not exceed" amount was $70. I think we did pretty damn good!

This method is great because you just round up on most items and that will probably cover your tax. (Since we don't have sales tax here in Oregon, it's even easier.) When the clicker gets to your target number -- you're done! No mas!

Plus there is also this weird Pavlovian thing that starts happening with every click. I started feeling like "NO! Don't put that in the cart! That's going to be FIVE WHOLE CLICKS!!!" So it really helped curb the urge to throw random shit in the cart.

SEVEN EXTRA CLICKS!?!?!

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!!?!?!

Another trip around the sun has been completed

Thirty-four

(Haphazardly taken self-photo)

Love to All

Happy Valentines Day!

(I painted this V-Day card for Jason last year.)

It won't be a party without Pooh

Three months and it still hurts. I've forgotten what you smell like. I can't remember what your voice inside my head sounds like. I don't expect barking when I make banging/knocking sounds. I pick up crumbs that fall on the floor because I know there isn't a little doggie waiting to snarf them up anymore.

My birthday is next week. Traditionally, I duck, hide and ignore it. Not because I'm afraid of getting older. But because it makes me so sad. I always feel so lonely on my birthday. I try to pretend it's just another day on the calendar. But this year it will be my first birthday without Clancy in over a decade. It won't be the same. It will be sadder.

All this looking back on my years with the Pooh, makes me realize how much it really was just the two of us for so long. When I think about it deeper, it was just me...and a dog. Just a girl and her dog.

We are so lucky Jason came into our life. It would have been a long road ahead if I was still just a girl but now without her dog.

It still won't be a party without Pooh.

P.S. There is another very important person that I'm missing today. Her birthday would've been yesterday. She would've been 64. Thirty years and 7 days older than me. Too young to be gone.We were definitely born under the same sign - Aquarius - water babies without a doubt.  I would have liked to tell her happy birthday and I love her. Momma D - we miss you. Hope you and Clancy are frolicking together in the ether.

Sauerkraut Saturday!

Last Saturday, Jason and I went to a sauerkraut making class at Curious Farm and it was awesome! We met some really nice people -- there was 6 of us total.

It's so interesting that we can ferment almost any fruit or vegetable using only salt, time and an airlock crock! Here's some pictures from the morning.

These are all the veggies to choose from:

Once we picked our ingredients and spices, we chopped, shredded, diced, peeled and mixed it all together.

Then we spent awhile massaging it all together to create the brine it will sit and ferment in for 2 months!

I thought it was so interesting that we were all making sauerkraut but everyone's looked so different! The color palettes were gorgeous!

Then we packed our 'kraut into our airlock crocks. We used those big rolling pin type stumps to push all the veggies below the brine. We put "sacrificial cabbage" on the very top so any oxygen left in the container will muck up the cabbage leaves and not the 'kraut.

Here's all of our babies lined up looking beautiful. Like snowflakes -- the same but different.

Initially, we put our little baby 'kraut in the pantry so it would be out of the way, but every time we opened the door it smelled like someone farted right in your face! So now it's living in the extra (unplugged) refrigerator in the garage.

We really had a great time and cannot wait to try our sauerkraut - only 2 months to go!